Church Bloopers

Last week I had occasion to sing at Beaumont Nursing Home on Plantation Street in Worcester, Ma. and one of the workers there handed me a few sheets of paper with jokes on them entitled "Church Bloopers". I thought they were really funny, and I would like to share them with you now. I understand that these are REAL and were really printed in church bulletins:
>>LADIES ,DON'T FORGET THE RUMMAGE SALE. IT'S A CHANCE TO GET RID OF THOSE THINGS NOT WORTH KEEPING AROUND THE HOUSE. BRING YOUR HUSBANDS.

>>REMEMBER IN PRAYER THE MANY WHO ARE SICK OF OUR COMMUNITY. SMILE AT SOMEONE WHO IS HARD TO LOVE. SAY "HELL" TO SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T CARE MUCH ABOUT YOU.
>> THE SERMON THIS MORNING: JESUS WALKS ON WATER. THE SERMON TONIGHT; SEARCHING FOR JESUS.
>> THE FASTING AND PRAYER CONFERENCE INCLUDES MEALS.
>> DON'T LET WORRY KILL YOU OFF. LET THE CHURCH HELP.
>> MISS CHARLENE MASON SANG "I WILL NOT PASS THIS WAY AGAIN" GIVING OBVIOUS PLEASURE TO THE CONGREGATION.
>> FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE CHILDREN AND DON'T KNOW IT, WE HAVE A NURSERY DOWNSTAIRS.
>> NEXT THURSDAY THERE WILL BE TRYOUTS FOR THE CHOIR. THEY NEED ALL THE HELP THEY CAN GET.
>> AT THE EVENING SERVICE TONIGHT, THE SERMON TOPIC WILL BE "WHAT IS HELL?" COME EARLY AND LISTEN TO OUR CHOIR PRACTICE.
..........................TO BE CONTINUED.........................